There’s over 6 billion people alive right now and I see a little over a billion on my way to work*. I drive 30 minutes to work each way which isn’t even a ridiculous time – I’m sure there’s plenty of folks out there that drive way more. Most of my driving is on the highway. I like that much more because there are so few traffic lights, but I find that the amount of ‘open highway’ available is directly proportional to how much construction will be done on said highway. 60 mile an hour sections come to a brisk 20mph nonscenic, ride of death.
Then, when you do get off the highway and onto the traffic light roads – oooohh boy. Get out your firearms and combat helmets. It’s automotive battle royale. Something along the same line of Mad Max style driving. Every square foot of road becomes prime real estate. Each yellow light is a signal to open up the 130 horses in that 97 Escort.
This weekend, though, traffic stresses followed me to my mini vacation. I packed up the kid, the wife, and my swimmies for a Friday night to Sunday night stay at my in-laws river house in Wiki-Wachi, FL. We even met up with my best friend and his girl on the way. The travel up there wasn’t so bad because my wife is 200th generation Floridian* and knows the super-secret back roads – a bit longer of a ride, but my blood pressure stay below ‘heart attack’ level.
This time, those ‘Sunday’ drivers took to the water. “Hey, let’s take the canoe and kyaks up river for a nice, relaxing afternoon!“, I say. “Yea!“, the others rejoice in approval. So, we go through the motions – load up some towels, water, etc, etc. There’s a small beach area about 20 minutes up the river – small area, like, maybe 15 across and a foot or two of sand. But, it’s a shallow area and a good spot to park your craft and hang out. Except for this weekend.
Ever seen photos of the naval fleet involved at the invasion of Normandy? The river was like that and I renamed that small patch of sand Omaha Beach. Never have I traveled down that river and seen so many johnboats, pontoon boats, jet skis, kiyaks, canoes, tubes, rednecks, and tourist. Our small group (2 kiyaks, 1 canoe) found ourselves spending more time maneuvering around the 20ft motor boats (on a 20 foot wide river) than actually enjoying Florida’s Nature Coast. The water – normally extremely clear (sometimes 10ft deep and visible to the bottom) – was murky and cloudy from the engines. No chance to see manatee (which we normally do) – which there probably weren’t any hanging around that oily mess anyway.
Then we get to Omaha Beach and find that the invasion has already hit in full force. We tried to wedge our vessels between the row of 10 kiyaks and handful of canoes. My wife took a dip in the freakin cold water and we’d had enough. The way back downstream, while less strenuous a workout paddling, was no less cluttered with weekend boaters.
The stories could drag on forever – lines at the grocery store, crowded gas stations, whatever. But, it all leads to my next awesome happening. Wouldn’t it be awesome if half the world’s population was swept away? Not necessarily by disease or famine or anything like that. Perhaps some sort of supernatural vanishing – I don’t care. The point is, how much better would life be if you had have the cars on the road, half the boats in the see, and half the fat people in the Wendy’s drive-thru?
I imagine there would be some minor setbacks – global economic collapse, mass religious hysteria, civil war. But, it’d only be with half the people, so… eh, no harm done.
*Statistic may be false
*Could be 7th generation
